"Are You Tired of Putting Up With Bad Behavior?"

It's been an interesting year of becoming aware of how much bad behavior I put up with….and that was before the 2016 campaign! Carpenters who messed up and then billed me for correcting their mistakes, clients who complained nothing was getting better but didn't do homework for learning new skills, friends who told me they were there for me-not. You know the drill as you too are putting up with bad behavior and calling it love, family, being nice, etc.

What is "Putting Up with Bad Behavior"?

• You make excuses for the person behaving badly, saying s/he is going through a rough patch, had a bad childhood, doesn’t really mean it. Rough patches are a part of life, I have yet to meet someone who adores their childhood, and when did we begin treating words as having no impact? What you tolerate is how you will teach other to behave with and towards you.
• You treat yourself badly and then wonder why others do so as well. Eleanor Roosevelt called it out-you teach others how to treat you. The one person you have the most power with, control with, creation with is yourself. Yet how you treat yourself, how you talk to yourself is often downright mean! In fact, if you treated a child the way you too often treat and talk to yourself, you would be appalled! Be nicer to yourself-and and be honest about what you tolerate from those who say they love you-and your life will change for the better.
• You are unhappy in your life or a relationship and tell yourself there is value in tolerating bad behavior. You may have been taught what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Nope, that is how you survive life, not how you will thrive and be happy in life. There is absolutely nothing to be gained from enduring (your gift of) life or a relationship. Life is short and being a martyr does not earn you brownie points for being a good person or entry into heaven.
• You tell yourself "it’s no big deal, you can handle it" when you are being dissed, denigrated, or dismissed. It IS a big deal and there is a price both the person dissing you and you are paying for putting up with bad behavior. The people you cross paths with in life are for your benefit somehow, as you are for them. Your choice to stand up for yourself or for your values may be exactly what the other person came into your life for, despite appearances to the contrary. Never doubt your value in life-or in another's life-nor your power to inspire through no longer tolerating bad behavior.
• Your body never lies and will reflect back to you what your choices are really costing you. Your mind may tell you to dismiss or ignore what you/r body is feeling, your culture will tell you to take a pill for it, but ignoring your body's messaging is done at the peril of your well-being. The price of putting up with bad behavior has a price to your spirit as well as to how you feel about yourself and others.

Dismantling your learned habit of not caring for yourself, not honoring yourself, not respecting yourself won't happen by thinking about it. Learning to no longer put up with being dismissed, being disrespected or being denigrated happens through taking action one conversation, one choice at a time. Putting up with bad behavior and telling yourself you’re being nice, not being a bitch-or my favorite, not being negative-is justifying and condoning bad behavior. 

Learning to care for yourself as the sacred being you are will make you uncomfortable, maybe even be scary at times. But isn’t feeling better about yourself and your fellow humans worth it? The irony is that when you no longer put up with bad behavior, you’ll find yourself more willing and able to be kinder, more tolerant, and more loving in your life. 

The choice to no longer put up with bad behavior has moved from optional to what now seems imperative. At the heart of your challenges in life is your soul's call to remember and live as who you really are... Powerful. Creative. Wise. Courageous. Compassionate. Committed. Generous. You get the idea. You were born for this turbulent time of evolution, for living out loud the nobility, dignity, and divinity of being human, and uplifting and inspiring those who have forgotten.

"We The People"

As did many of you, I stayed up way past my bedtime Tuesday night to watch history unfold and expectations have an epic fail. Emotions ruled the night and the logic of polling data was no match. I feel deep disappointment, disturbed, sad, but not really surprised by one half of the country pulling the rug out from the other half. 'Not unlike a marriage in trouble, it can take the shock of an affair or your partner announcing they want a divorce to wake up to something's really wrong. “We the People” are in trouble, not unlike a marriage where one or both people insists the other person is the problem and the other must change. Sound familiar? “We the People” is a dream worth fighting for, worth getting uncomfortable for, and worth owning your part of what's wrong, for. Dismissing those we disagree with is “two wrongs don’t make it right” in action and nothing good comes from doing so.  “We the People” means when you don’t agree with or understand a position or a concern of “them”, you seek to understand their concerns and experiences. Not doing so got us the once unthinkable as our next President. Ouch. It is said that a rising tide lifts all boats, yet a clear message this Tuesday is how too many people's boats are not rising, but sinking. Yes, misogyny showed up, yes 50’s retro showed up, and yes, racism showed up. But to explain the results of this election on bad behavior and simpletons is to continue to ignore the large numbers of people feeling helplessness and hopelessness about the promise of "We the People". If the results of Tuesday's election kicked your butt, show up more, speak up more, and stand up more for who and what you hold most dear. This poem by Anne Dillard says it well:  "There is no one but us, and we ourselves unfit, not yet ready, and our children busy and troubled, -as if innocence had ever been- that our innocent fathers are all dead, with the notion that we have come at an awkward time, a generation comforting ourselves but only us, on the face of the Earth, nor a clean hand nor a pure heart There is no one to send, having each of us chosen wrongly, made a false start, failed, yielded to impulse and the tangled comfort of pleasures, and grown exhausted, unable to seek the thread, weak, and  involved. But, there is no one but us. There never has been.” “We the People” is a big dream given to Americans for tending and nurturing and there is no one but us to do so. We were born for a time demanding we seek to understand each other through compassion, not committed to our divisions. Tuesday’s results reflected the state of  “We the People” and it was painful. Yet, I take inspiration from how Rumi invites us to engage the pain life brings us in his poem below: "Overcome any bitterness that may have come because you were not up to the magnitude of pain that was entrusted to you. Like the Mother of the world who carries the pain of the world in her heart, each one of us is a part of her heart and is endowed with a certain measure of her pain. You are sharing in the totality of that pain and you are called to meet it in joy instead of self-pity" Meeting pain with joy, with compassion for the others and yourself, will be critical for leading us out of seemingly impossible challenges of our times.We were born with no map for these times, yet within each of our heart and souls is all the guidance and courage we need. Few are our true leaders, perhaps so we learn to lead our life in common unity with each other. In closing, I leave you with this poem from Lao-Tzu which helps me adjust my altitude when I am feeling hopeless or helpless about the world I was born to love and care for, with the light of my soul guiding my way through times of darkness: “What is a good man but a  bad manʼs teacher? What is a bad man but a good manʼs job?  If you donʼt understand this,  you will get lost, however intelligent you are.

May your Light guide your way, xoxo JaiKaur

"Living Your Life Being +1"

Life can be challenging and feel overwhelming, so who's got the time or the energy to do or give more? What if I told you- despite what you might believe- how you will become happier and healthier when you choose “Being +1". Just what the heck do I mean by that?

When you choose to live “Being +1”, you choose to offer being the inspiration, a joy, the smile we all need in our day. "Being +1" means committing to being a bit more positive and kind to the people you cross paths with in your day. Choosing to offer kindness to people you know as well as don’t know isn't only what the Dalai Lama would want for you but your doctor as well. For recent studies at the University of Massachusetts Medical School (and other studies) found that improved mental health was more closely linked to giving help than to receiving it.

Scientific studies abound on how offering kindness delivers the benefit of not only more happiness but better health as well to both the giver and the receiver of kindness. Helping others releases endorphins and hormones which reduce inflammation, ease pain and chronic headaches and stomach aches, increase energy levels, and reduce blood pressure and cholesterol levels. And experiencing kindness helps with depression through giving people a sense of social connection in a world often too virtual.

Here are some simple ways to inspire and uplift your day:

• Smile at someone – anyone - for no reason as you walk down the street or open a door for someone. 
• Put away your phone when you are with your loved ones and focus your attention on them instead.
• Leave your waiter or waitress not only a big tip but a note of appreciation as well. (If you’ve ever been a waitress or waiter, you know how much that can mean!)
• Give hugs generously-we all need as many as we can get!
• Donate your old eyeglasses so someone can see again. And while you’re at it, donate the bikes, the books, the clothes you aren't using.
• Volunteer to read to people blind or at a senior center or home. 
• Instead of gossiping about other people's foibles, commit to saying a positive word about people who challenge your faith in human nature.
• Dust off the gratitude journal and recommit to gratitude vs complaining.

Choosing to live "Being +1" is a mutually beneficial way you have in your power for changing your life-and the world-for the better. Simple choices resulting in powerful results for both yourself and the others you share your life-and Mother Earth- with. And if you find it hard to choose being the inspiration, to choose joy and gratitude in your days, it may be time for a spiritual tune-up with me!

"Why Playing the Cards Life Deals You Serves You"

I've spent the last year hobbling around on crutches due to a foot surgery done badly. I've received many a suggestion for distracting myself from being disabled and awaiting bones mending enough for a second surgery. One of the suggestions I received from more than one person was to check out the BBC series "Poldark". After my second/remedial foot surgery in June, I found "Poldark" available on Amazon Prime Video and decided to check the series out.

Well! Several viewings later and the purchase of the next series of Winston Graham books for reading, I've come to realize why "Poldark" has captivated me so. Yes there is eye-candy a-plenty of both the natural as well as the 2-legged variety. And while I love a good historical drama, this did not explain my need to watch "Poldark" over and over again. The discomfort I was feeling at being so consumed by the series I knew signaled a jewel of sorts awaiting my discovery. 

What I've come to realize about my borderline obsession with "Poldark" was not an infatuation with Aiden Turner (altho' an interesting person and talented actor) as my friend Peter had teased me. Themes of hope, of redemption, of the mystery and challenges of love beautifully played by actors and actresses with those accents we Americans love to listen to. "Poldark" beautifully unfolds how playing the cards life deals you serves you and the people life has you playing with. And the preciousness and beauty of your life when you choose to live your life using the GPS of your honor and your compassion.

While social marketing (and one's childhood) can lead to you feeling as though you or your life somehow lack, what if you picked up the cards life dealt you and played them? Instead of apologizing for being "too sensitive", embrace being so and honor your sensitivity "card" in how you live your life. Living your sensitivity-not defending it nor hiding it away-shares the quality of sensitivity with those life has you playing with and learning with. Campaigning for the changes you seek in the world rarely is as effective as simply living them in your life and your relationships.

We are all diamonds in the rough who become more clear and beautiful through how we challenge and are challenged by those we love and are in relationship with. Trying to be different from the cards life dealt you for playing only keeps you from being happy and successful as you are. For not all which inspires us to become better as human beings is comfortable nor easy as many a new mother will attest to.

A powerful way to change the world for the better is by bringing more of who you are to light and for living. While we may believe we know how things should be, the truth is there are many many more factors at play in your life than your mind alone can realize. Life evolves, refines itself through you and me taking up not only what we call good, but the imperfect of life as well. Your happiness has a better chance of unfolding in ways magical and beautiful when you play the cards dealt you for serving you and your life.

"What Happiness Will Demand of You"

We live in a time when information is abundant about pretty much everything, including how to be happy. Even the US Declaration of Independence offers "unalienable right" to happiness as guaranteed by it's government. And yet happiness seems to be elusive as realized by any manner of measuring the happiness of the human race. So what gives?

Happiness lies in being congruent with your soul and purpose and living your sovereignty. Yet we have been taught our soul is for matters not earthly and to conform for keeping safe and being considered normal. And therein lies the rub-claiming your right to happiness will require you to get uncomfortable, to take risks, to be true to yourself first.

Living your sovereignty-living in congruence with your deepest values-is essential for being happy in your life and your relationships. Learning to do so does not come without challenges for untangling from the pain of what is familiar is not always easy. And knowing what is wrong is not enough to make things better. 

Taking on what is causing you pain or is not working in your life takes courage as well as wise guidance and support for keeping on track for realizing your intended changes. Too many women settle for simply complaining about their unhappiness and blaming others for it. Or fall into the trap of embracing their fears as more powerful than the grit and the grace they come endowed with as women. 

Consider yourself blessed if your life or a relationship challenges you, for at the heart of the challenge is the call for you to live more of who you truly are. Yes, it will mean you will be uncomfortable at times and question choices you are currently making. Yet unlike what you've been taught, happiness comes through how you respond to what life brings you, not the false belief you can control life or others for your happiness.

Happiness is your birthright and what your heart and soul desire for you. Creating a happier life or relationship will require you to make changes in your choices through your actions. Doing so may not be easy at times, yet learning to flex the muscles of your soul and your grace as a woman will yield much better results than blaming others for the state of your happiness. Life has a way of insisting change happens and as the saying goes, what we resist, persists!

"Throw Out Your Rear View Mirror and Leap!"

We are rounding the corner into the 3rd month of the year, a time of year when people begin to realize either success-or not-with the changes they vowed to set in motion for making 2016 their best year yet. Ok, maybe not their best year, but at least a year they would be happier, or more loving, or communicate more honestly…..you get the picture. As Dr. Phil would say, “how’s that working for ya?”.

A dynamic sure to create a feeling of helplessness or hopelessness is vowing to change something in yourself or your life and then not setting up support and strategy for creating a change. Not wanting to be unhappy will not make you happier nor will wanting to be more loving with your partner be of much use when your partner does that thing which triggers your best imitation of nails on the chalkboard! 

Looking in your life’s rear view mirror for how things were-good or bad-keeps you from being present and taking action for creating outcomes you want today. Beating yourself up for how you “shoulda, coulda, woulda” or how you made that mistake, only keeps a past wound from healing into wisdom present today. So what can you do if you find yourself looking in the rear view mirror of your life?

1. Acknowledge you are beating yourself up for something in your past. We too easily discount how powerful our thoughts and beliefs are in what we call “our experience” in life. It truly is not what happens that takes you down, but what you tell yourself and get back up from a sucker punch in life. The story of your life is yours to write, a gift which comes with your precious gift of life. Do you like the story you are telling about yourself and your life?

2. Take time to really feel what you are feeling. We have been taught to be wary of our emotions and labeling your emotions is not caring for them or yourself. An emotion is like a freight train-engine in the front, container cars in the middle, and caboose at the end. An emotion can be powerful, contain past experiences and unresolved power, and offer you wisdom in the end. The conductor of the train? You!  Do you know how to conduct yourself for receiving and learning from your emotions in life?

3. Throw out your rear view mirror. Beating yourself up for a past mistake or choice keeps you from living a better choice today. Your past is for learning from and your present is your opportunity to try again. I know it may be difficult to believe you get second chances on matters which even today hurt. But Nature has taught me an undeniable truth-life moves forward for offering you more experiences of beauty and love.

4. Let it go.  Many a time I have realized I am “circling the drain”-a thought is going ‘round and ‘round in my head, making me feel badly about myself or another person. Once I realize I am doing so, I take a few deep breaths and remind myself I can choose peace or war. Choosing peace requires me to let go of the destructive thoughts. And bullying myself with a thought will keep me from being able to address what is troubling me.

Let yourself receive the present of each new day, much as you were gifted with another day this leap day and year. Haven’t succeeded so far this year in your vow to be happier this year? Haven’t quite got that loving feeling back on the front burner? Then leap! with courage into re-committing to do so today, with some support and strategy for realizing your success-this year-in doing so.  

"Love Being the Smartest One in the Room"

A few years back while working with a marketing coach for revisions to my website, I expressed frustration at the conflicting advice I had received about website copy over the years. He laughed and said something which struck that “wisdom bell” we all have within us. “Never forget you are the smartest person in the room JaiKaur”. I laughed but then went back to pondering which expert I should listen to about how to make my website copy better.

I’ve never met a women who doesn’t feel she is somehow lacking. Whether not skinny enough, sexy enough, productive enough, the bottom line is she is “not enough”. Instead of challenging the truth of the insidious voice of where we are lacking, we purchase products marketed for this lack, or feel shame about that lack, or simply give up on feeling content and at ease with being as we are. 

Your life contains a finite number of breaths and an infinite number of choices to celebrate your being and life. Yet all too often a woman’s experience of her life is a confusion of messages from people past and present about her purpose and worth. ‘Confusion clears and clarity reigns when you learn to receive the softer voice within you whose sole purpose is to illuminate your life’s true purpose and your worth as most precious. 

At the end of the day, the choices you make in your life and your relationships are yours alone to live and breathe. No matter how good someone makes something sound, no matter how much authority you give someone, you alone answer for the choices you make at the end of the day. Chances are good you already know what's true for you, making you the smartest person in the room-about you! Now the only thing that's keeping you from enjoying what you know is trusting and committing 1000% to what you know and taking consistent action towards your goals and dreams, inspired by your knowing.

So practice trusting yourself more, trusting what you like more, and taking action inspired by the wisdom within you, more. The more you practice the better you'll get at loving yourself and the life you are creating. Learn to dial into the wisdom within yourself and to receive the softer voice as the voice you trust - not the voice which tells you how you are not enuf! Really own your choices, embrace your courage, and empower a love affair with yourself and with your life. For you truly are the smartest person in the room about what makes you happy and how to live your life on purpose.

"How's Your 2016 Treating You?"

I don’t know about you, but 2016 is already requiring me to exercise more neutrality, wisdom, and courage for not freaking out in response to the challenges and changes life is sending my way. Now don’t get me wrong, freaking out has it’s place in life-not unlike how a good thunderstorm clears the air. But freaking out onto the people you care about (including yourself) does not end well. All that time and energy spent in emotional drama is sooo 2015!

The free Tele-class “Your Soul Medicine as Woman” I offered earlier this month offered me many reasons to freak out. Beginning with my assistant forgetting to send out the call-in numbers before going on holiday, to the recording function failing, my inner “you're a screw up” dragon had a field day with me. Yup, 2016 began with great reasons for me to freak out and feel powerless, but this is not how I roll when I remember to engage my grace, grit, and gratitude as a woman.

As I shared in my tele-class, women need to call on their soul medicine for navigating contemporary life's changes and challenges and keeping their happiness and purpose intact. “May you live in challenging times” is said to be a blessing, yet without engaging the tools and strength your soul offers you, the challenges life sends your way will seem overwhelming and have you feeling helpless. Learning how to receive and decipher your soul’s guidance changes feeling afraid and hopeless to living your happiness and purpose.

I invite you to CLICK HERE for a FREE phone session with me, for why feel alone with your worries, fear, or sleepless nights? Perhaps you already know what you want or need to change, but feel helpless or hopeless to make the changes. Woman are gifted with many strengths and skills, yet caring for yourself as well as you do others can be challenging. Take a minute and ask yourself if 2016 is the year you learn how to claim the grace, grit, and gratitude within you as a woman. Or if 2016 is the year you continue to feel helpless, hopeless, or unhappy with your life or relationships.