The Strength of Rituals

This week, my 6 siblings and I, living literally coast to coast, are gathering in the middle to celebrate our parent's 56 years of marriage as well as my father's life of 80% of a century, as my youngest daughter loves to tell him. Preparations for this occasion began last winter in the hope we could gather the 3 generations, no small goal in today's busy busy lives. With the aid of computers, google calendar, conference lines, and a bit of compromising summer schedules, every single member of our family will be together, the ultimate gift for a man whose definition of family often was "all together".

In the process of coming to agreements for the weekend celebration-the location, the activities, the menus-even when we would have the conference call for these discussions!-ghosts of childhood past mixed with the differences in lives chosen as adults. We not only learned where we still nursed hurts from our childhoods past, we also learned where what we thought of a sibling could be happily updated. And most importantly of all, we learned that "family" was being maintained and honored no longer by the patriarch of the family as much as by us 7 children through our active commitment to working together, even with ghosts and differences real.

It brought home once again, the power-and need-for rituals, perhaps even more so now in our world of speed and information. All 7 of us have lives full and rich with to-do lists large enough to fill years of time let alone a weekend. And yet, in wrestling with the issues of and compromising for, the commitment and details needed to gather in the mid(middle)west for honoring our parents, we chose again as adults to share time and space together again for creating and honoring our family.

Cultures have long understood the need for ritual gathering for the pleasures of the celebrations as well as our need as humans to gather in community for the guidance and support it offers as well. While we may no longer need to gather in order to see who among us needs supplies to make it through the winter, we certainly have not lost the need as humans to gather for offering-or receiving-food for our heart and soul.

So off we go to gather as family, honoring parents we are grateful to still be able to hug and kiss, and to take up the mantle of "family" from ones who have carried it so long and so well for us children. And by doing so, we are offering our children this gift of ritual of gathering we call family, imperfections and ghosts less important for now than the reminder that love and community are matters worth more of our time and less of our differences.

Leaning into LIfe

An earlier plan to visit a friend in Vermont for the 4th of July weekend fell through and my daughter and I were faced with recreating plans. My daughter of 12 years wanted to go to real fireworks and I wanted to go to the ocean, not having been for months altho' but an hour from my favorite of all the earth's elements. We had free tickets to a whale watch company in Provincetown and a couple of days free from any obligation of merit. A quick call to find out if the dog sitter was available-yes!-and we had a spontaneous recipe for a 4th of July holiday celebration!

We made preparations and went to bed early figuring that taking off by 6 am would ensure a place to park in Provincetown. Of course, plans do not make reality and I awoke at 3 am, not able to relax enough to get back to sleep and by 5 am, I was convinced that the plan that the gods seemed to have blessed were evaporating due to my sleep-deprivation. Not wanting to disappoint my daughter nor wanting to forfeit my opportunity to play, I got up tired and went into the motions of getting ready for our day of adventures.

We took off for our 2 1/2 road trip and 1 hour into the trip, I realized I had left the whale watching tickets back in the wallet I chose not to take....sigh. I would simply have to buy tickets..."this is not an auspicious beginning'.... began the whispering within ......"you are too tired, you have made a mistake to think you can pull off the plans for the day" continued the whispering....and my personal favorite....."maybe this is a sign you ought not to doing this"....

We all have a version of this voice within us, the voice initiated when a parent or an important grownup communicated for us not to trust life so much for staying safe, for being loved, to be good or nice. A voice born in childhood and continuing way past it's time into our adulthood. It is the voice that perhaps at one time meant well, but now-when listened to without updating-keeps us more afraid of ourselves, others, and life than it's original intention. A voice when listened to limits what we can experience, learn, and become from our life and living.

I have learned to listen to this voice within as I listen to those in my life who love me, want me to be safe, or want to pass on their hard-earned wisdom from life....with love, although not always with agreement. In order to do this, I examine and renovate my beliefs so that the basis of my decisions is current with what I call my "signature values"-a value consciously chosen as fundamental to living my life. As I was driving to the Cape, hearing my critical voice within tell me how tired I was and how I had already begun the day badly by forgetting the whale watching tickets, I instead choose to listen to the voice of my signature value of faith in "leaning into life"....to trust that the day was conspiring for my success, as much as my mind might be telling me otherwise.

So while I could hear the whispers of the past whisper their form of care and messages of safety, I listened instead to my voice within for the actions I would commit to.... "people are good, the whale watching folks will work with you on this ticket matter"......"you can rest on the boat and simply take breaks during the day"...."trust your life wants you to play today".

So what was the day like on 3 hours of sleep, steamy heat and humidity, with crowds galore? Awesome and blessed....all day parking for a$10, great seats for the 4th of July parade (an education of all kinds for my daughter), a wonderful sushi lunch on a cushioned bench right under the blasting AC....ahhh....with a waiter who delighted my daughter with his attention and way, whale watching ship owner who not only gave us free replacement tickets but placed us on the boat out in the harbor for the fireworks, whale families galore seen right next to the boat on the tour, a stunning sunset that the Cape is known for, amazing fireworks viewed from the boat, and a policeman who gave us cuts into the traffic heading back to Boston that most likely saved us an hour or so!!

Not only was a wonderful time had by all, another notch in the belt was made for choosing to lean into the trust that life conspires on my behalf. We are here on Earth not out of punishment, nor rejection by the divine, nor out of a sadistic choice to watch us fail, although at times we do make less than exalted choices. We are here through the sacred gift of a human lifetime, for sharing the radiance of our souls, real-izing the illumination of our infinite wisdoms, and for inspiring those we journey our human destination with....all made more possible through leaning into the trust and faith of our sacred partner....our life.