"Are You Being True to Yourself--or Justifying Why Not?"

In this second article in my series on becoming a grown-up, I'll be talking about 3 little words which reflect where you are not being true to yourself.  The presence of these 3 words in how you talk to yourself, about yourself, or about your life, are important clues to why you are not enjoying the power and privileges of being a grown up. The words? ”Coulda, woulda, shoulda”- 3 little words used when you are vacating your power, used when you are out of  integrity with yourself, and used when you have forgotten you are a god/dess walking the earth.

Women especially suffer from the culturally-reinforced vacating of power while men suffer from cultural norms which box them into false power. (Check out my earlier article on women’s contemporary power)  The presence of “woulda, coulda, shoulda”-in your beliefs, in how you talk to yourself and with others, in how you make your choices-offer useful information of where you are not being true to yourself. “Woulda, coulda, shoulda” undermine you, disempower you, and diss your nobility, your dignity, and your sovereignty. Not cool!

Try This Out

1. Begin to notice where you are saying “I woulda….,  I coulda…, I shoulda...” and notice the silent “but” when using these 3 words.  “I woulda spoken up, but......”, “I wish I coulda gone on vacation this year, but....”, “I know I shoulda been honest with her, but....”.  Notice how you feel as you hear yourself say “woulda, coulda, shoulda...but...” Are you feeling behind what you are saying?  Or do you feel yourself offering an excuse, blaming, or distancing yourself from what you saying, what you want...maybe even scared?  Ouch.

2. Now take these 3 words and choose to replace them consciously with words of chosen action. For example: “I am speaking up about this being wrong”, “I am excited and saving for my vacation this summer!”,  “I am going to be honest with sharing how I feel when we talk”.  Notice how “I am” replaces “but” and how differently it feels to proclaim “I am”?

3. Notice the difference in how you feel as you voice “I am” vs a “woulda, coulda, shoulda… but...”?  Can you feel how taking responsibility-"I am" feels more empowered than "I coulda, but…...?

When you use “coulda woulda shoulda” in talking about your choices in life, you are using words to justify not taking action for being true to yourself, to what you truly want in life. This does not mean you are a scoundrel (love this word), without hope, or a bad person. It does mean your history includes being shamed, wronged, or unsafe with telling the truth. You are not alone in this-and-being a grown up requires picking up your courage for claiming what is true for you in life. As I remind the courageous people I have the privilege to work with, along with the power to create your life (being a grown up) comes the responsibility for doing so.

Look for my 3rd article in the series on being a grown up. Our world is in a historical transition and living your presence, power, and purpose in the world has never been more important.  And your being a grown up will be in a manner different than how you were taught and how modeled before.

"Are You Living as Sacred or Scared?"

This is the first in a series of 3 articles on why becoming a grown up is cool. (I would say “groovy” but my 16 year old would roll her eyes and then tell me how old I am being). So what do I mean by "becoming a grown up"? Contrary to popular stereotypes, becoming a grown up offers you more power, joy, and way more love into your life than ever before. And whether it is taking responsibility for your happiness (vs blaming others for your lack of it) or claiming your authority for creating a life you love, becoming a grown up invites living your deepest truths and values, with integrity, everyday. Albert Einstein is quoted as saying “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle”. Or as I say “are you choosing to live as sacred or scared”.  When we forget we are goddesses and gods walking this earth, we struggle in life and so does our world. The way out of your troubles and challenges is to take up the course corrections life brings your way,  as divine navigation for your life and for what you truly want. You and your life are sacred and when you forget this, you can get scared. When you get scared, it’s easy to forget you are vastly powerful, your choices are endless, and the infinite beauty, joy, and love you are. This in no way negates how you need others in the journey of life. As students of mythology know, even gods and goddesses need others at times. Learning to pivot from the mythology of something being wrong with you to the truth of life challenging you for updating your thinking, your beliefs, and what you were taught, is choosing to grow up. Birth as human comes with grace for going through the grit of life with gratitude.Understanding you need not justify yourself, but rather love, delight, and share yourself, can liberate you from false beliefs in right/wrong, good/bad ways for you to live, feel, or choose. And no, this is not a carte blanche for living without responsibility for your power, privilege, and purpose in life. Quite the opposite is true-the power granted to you as a human being is equal to your responsibility as a human being. Our age of connection and technology offers ease of access to ancient wisdom from around the world to all, no longer to only those of lineage and privilege. Technology makes possible connections with people, places, and possibilities around the world never before possible. And, this technology can serve for learning about the most advanced, magical, and powerful technology in the world-the vast world within you-when you remember to engage technology as a master, not it’s tool. For as never before, humanity needs your divinity and divinity is realized when lived in your daily humanity. In a nutshell, this is what becoming a grown up is all about. Stay tuned for the second article in this series on the importance of weeding out your “could ofs, should ofs, would ofs” and replacing them with discerning and deciphering divine wisdom offered you everyday in life. Making the choice to do creates the happiness, health, and purpose you were born to be living in abundance.