Choosing Drama Less and Your Power More

"Where is confusion about yourself as "a woman first" holding you back from exercising your power, purpose, and passion in your relationships, roles, and relishing of your life?"  I love working with women who decide to pick up their courage, exercise their clarity, and commit to action for creating more happiness, satisfaction, and impact in their life.  The "ah-ha" moment when a client real.izes how truly powerful she is can be a humbling (not humiliating) moment of reclaiming herself, her happiness, and her satisfaction in her relationships, roles, and relishing her life.


Woman are the sacred portal for human life and serve as teachers, healers, and leaders with life. Where woman are confused about their depth and dimension as women is where we confuse our history for our truth, our roles for our identity, and believe our grace as women is negotiable.  It is also where how we create problems, extend the lifetime of our challenges, and create drama vs engaging our power. A woman may begin working with me for easing a troubled relationship,  guidance for respect in her roles, or to feel happy again in her life.....and,  she soon realizes her problem/s as symptoms of forgetting to choose her power as "a woman first". 


Contemporary woman remember, reclaim, and renew themselves more through honoring themselves as "a woman first" and the "to-do's" of rules, roles, and relationships less.  Being "a woman first" is taking action on inner wisdom, embodying compassion in relationships, and living with clarity, courage, and certainty our dreams.   Being "a woman first" is knowing confusion is our invitation for inner clarity, self-criticism as our opportunity for compassion for ourselves, and conflict with others offers itself as a container for creative and deeper connection with the other. And contemporary times call for us to show up, stand up, and speak up....as women first.  We live in times scary and sacred, times calling for living times calling for living more of our power, purpose, and passion as a woman.

The "Contemporary" Leadership of Women

Much has been written, talked about, and even merchandised about the new power and contemporary leadership of women.  As a woman, I initially received this buzz about contemporary women’s place with a “hallelujah”, and now sigh, concluding how like the truism of memos serving the illusion of action, talking often serves the illusion of change.

One of the messages I challenge those I work with is “how are you taking action on your new awareness/desire/choice/commitment in your daily life?  While words are powerful, using words only for talk diminishes the power and clarity the authentic (root) meaning the word offers us for committing to action.

The root (Latin) meaning of the word “contemporary” is “together with” and I smiled to have found a word so accurate in describing the history of women’s leadership. While the word “contemporary” may currently mean “new/current/fashionable”, women’s leadership throughout history has been “together with”.  

Women for ages have been “together with” the birthing and nurturing of new life, “together with” healing, tending and caring for members of their community, “together with” those in old age and in death.  The leadership of women is not new, ever unfashionable, nor simply the leadership of men with a skirt and lipstick on it. 

So the next time you hear talk about the new and contemporary leadership of women, smile at knowing just how contemporary women’s leadership is and commit more to taking action “together with” your deepest values and what is sacred in the life you lead as a woman.

"In honor of John the farmer in heart, airline captain by day"

It is a glorious late summer morning not unlike the morning 10 years ago when an act of hate changed the lives of thousands, millions all over the world.  Even now I remember as though yesterday watching in horror on television the second plane go into the World Trade Center tower, a place iconic to New Yorkers and visitors alike.  I remember calling my children-my son in college, my daughter at high school-simply to feel their presence, and only began to cry when word came by phone that John was the captain of the American Airlines Flight #11 airplane.

We knew John Ogonowski first as the farmer who brought his hay to the horse barn where my older daughter worked and rode and for whom I brought coffee and donuts to those early cold Saturday am mornings as she and John unloaded the month’s hay. We talked about how loving the land and nature made up for much of what was crazy in the human world and how happy stewarding land made us.  We knew John secondly as an American Airlines captain committed to working a few more years until he could retire and tend his beloved farm full-time.

9/11 changed not only John’s dream and the dreams of so many people, it challenged all of us in how we respond to hate, violence, destruction when it’s personal.  “Being poor does not take away poverty, being angry does not take away anger, choosing revenge does not diminish violence” offers Wayne Dwyer.  Human brains are hard-wired to initially return aggression with aggression, and as the research and authors of the book “How God Changes Your Brain” illustrate,  choosing to meditate and other spiritual practices literally activate the capacity our brains contain for compassion and seeking to understand“the other”. 

John’s farm continues through his brother Jim who still delivers hay for the horse barn. John lives on in the many ways he touched others as well as served through his farm’s commitment to helping Cambodian refuges farmers and those he flew as an American Airlines captain. New life came through John when his brother Jim married the owner of the horse barn who he met while stepping into farmer John’s shoes the first weeks after 9/11.  Life honors life by continuing forward, it is ours to choose how we honor the gift of our life so precious and so fragile.

"The Value of Being Uncomfortable in Life"

Conscious relationship with our creativity as human beings requires we have times when we are uncomfortable, we are not in control, we do not know. And what are these times other than opportunities to welcome the magic, power, and wisdom of new experiences being offered to us?  Whenever life now throws a curveball into my plans, I take out the index cards I have written "welcome the discomfort, life has a better idea!" on and post them in places I spend my day. Besides quotes on index cards for inspiration in responding to being uncomfortable in life, here are other suggestions for valuing "uncomfortable": Make a list of things in your past that made you inititally uncomfortable and how now, you can not imagine living without them....swimming, driving, traveling, saying no, etc.  Acknowledge consciously how hanging in with uncomfortable long enough to learn something new changed your life for the better. Ask yourself if your life is overflowing with joy, love, satisfaction and if you did not answer with a shout and  "YES!",  choose more to invite the discomfort of change for creating more of that good stuff sooner than later!  Maybe keeping things safe and status quo ain't what it's cracked up to be! Western science has confirmed what Eastern wisdom has long offered-how every 7 years,  every cell in our body is replaced.  This has revolutionized how we treat brain and spinal cord injuries-once thought to be untreatable-as well as underlined the important of challenge for the health of our brains, muscles, and habits as we age.  It may be uncomfortable to place ourselves outside our comfort zone, and, it is essential for our happiness and health in life. Unless we are willing to be uncomfortable in life,  we will not engage the conflicts that lead to invaluable clarity, understanding, and intimacy in our relationships.  Relationships thrive when people are willing to be (uncomfortable) vulnerable and wither when the illusion of control is chosen.  Relationships are the training ground for choosing love more than fear, intuition more than facts, intimacy more than a false sense of control. Consider that when you are most uncomfortable, it may simply be the sensations of yourself expanding, not unlike how it may feel to a snake when it has outgrown it's skin.  When I am feeling uncomfortable in my life, I now remind myself to breathe more, relax more, and allow more the sensations of transition for an easier and faster delivery of change to emerge within myself!  Life and people are messy and both require a willingness to take risks, to be vulnerable, to be uncomfortable for real.izing their depth, dimension, and delight. Choosing not to confuse being uncomfortable with "something's wrong/someone's wrong offers us a richer, wider palette of experiences from life. When we are willing to be uncomfortable and engage life's offer of a better idea, we live more the magic, and merry, and miraclulous of our life!

The Contemporary Spirituality of Women

I am blessed by my work of guidance and support with women transforming challenges to their happiness through the strength and skills of their spirit....or as I say, “taking the grit life delivers to us as our divine instructions for engaging our grace!”.  I remind women how spirituality is not following rules and obeying authority outside herself; it is actively living her deepest values and visions and making her choices with integrity. I remind her how spirituality is not something separate from her daily life; her spirituality is lived in showing up, speaking up, and standing up right where she has been planted.
Contemporary spirituality is conscious partnering with our spirit and soul for practical guidance and support in our daily life. Contemporary spirituality is living grace that is practical and honoring the grit of life as sacred.  Contemporary spirituality honors the teachers that are animal, plant, and "the other" and contemporary spirituality honors our body as not simply a vehicle, rather as a teacher and healer divine.
Contemporary spirituality demands we update our beliefs, definitions, and concepts for daily living of our active, embodied, and emboldened spirituality as women.  Ask yourself these questions-your answers are for living in your daily life!

• If you knew you were always being divinely guided and supported, how would you live differently your life?
• If you were to embrace "where you were planted"-to the beauty, to the challenges, to the gratitude-what would be different? 
• If you took 100% responsibility for your life vs deferring your power to "karma" or "God's will" or "I have no power to make things different" where would you take up your voice, your power, your outrage? 
• If you truly honored your spirit and soul as your most intimate partner in life, how would the priorities for your time change? Would time for meditation, prayer, and self-care become less luxuries and more essentials in your daily life?

Contemporary spirituality is not about furthering our means of control; it is daily living our power, our purpose, and our presence as guardians for all life.  Contemporary spirituality honors relationship, integrity, and creativity and where these are lacking, the responsibility for bringing them forth. Contemporary spirituality is living there is truly no separation between what is spiritual and what is not spiritual....and that our humanity is simply divinity in a body.

"Summer's Essential Sensual"

Living in New England, where our summers are so very short,  a day at the beach every couple of weeks has become a priority on my summer to-do list (yes, the irony does not escape me). The warmth of the sun, the sounds of the waves, and the delicious hug of the water is not only sensual,  it is essential for my happiness and well-being. A few years ago, my summer flew by without a single visit to the beach-there were so many more important things to do!-and the ensuing long and cold New England winter taught me the error of concluding my sensual needs as optional.

Here are suggestions for honoring summertime's "essential-sensuals":

• Indulge in what delights your palate in the bounty of summertime foods! Eating watermelon outside on a hot day, with it's juices dripping down my chin and onto the ground delights the kid in me who still loves to make a mess!
• Know what delights you in Nature's summertime offerings; while one of my summertime's sensual-essential is a day at the beach, a day hiking in the mountains or canoeing in a lake may be the delight your body and soul will hallelujah with!
• Honor your summertime essential-sensuals as a top priority on your to-do list, receiving any feelings of resistance or pesky inner nay-saying voices as simply your invitation to meditate or journal on what challenges you in living your delight or essential pleasure!
• Be open to the "ah-has" which come through your physical delight and pleasure as essential wisdom for yourself and your life.  Our body's wisdom is profound in it's clarity and intelligence and learning to respond in our life with the "non-logical" wisdom of our body have a magical way of increasing our happiness and well-being!

Taking delight and pleasure in the sensations of our body is essential for not only our physical health and ease, it is essential for the fulfillment of our heart, soul, and life. We are beings that need food as well as nourishment through our sensual experiences.  When we honor our sensual as essential for creating happiness and well-being in life, a day at the beach becomes less a luxury and more the priority on the to-do list for every season!

Holy Everything

 Its a beautiful Sunday morning in June, a day inviting both the slower pace of a Sunday as well as the invitation of Mother Nature beckoning with her delightful June temperatures and low humidity.  A day holy with my rituals of Sunday, a day holy with the temple of Mother Nature in June, and a day holy by commiting to receive all that the day brings to me as a blessing...as hard as that is for my mind to wrap around at times!

Growing up in a Catholic family, holiness was taught as obeying rules and rituals and obeying the men who ministered for God.  And so at 5 years old, I asked to become an altar girl and after being laughed at by the priest for asking,  I announced to my parents I was no longer Catholic, indignantly saying I knew God would have said yes to my request to become an altar girl. My parents, to their credit, did not defend the priest's response and instead encouraged me to participate in what still had meaning for me in the Catholic faith.

The joy and inspiration of my childhood faith-the majesty of Christmas midnight mass, the soothing sound of the Latin chants, the transcendent beauty of the church music and singing-did become part of the rituals and holidays created in my own non-Catholic family.  For I had learned an important truth in not rejecting the holy still being offered through the Catholic faith....holy is not the obeying of rules and rituals...holy is everything, everyday, and everywhere.

Holy is the reverence I feel as I view the sunrise over the ocean as majestic as any cathedral, holy is the gaze of an infants eyes in mine dissolving all doubt of angels, holy is offering our smiles to those unknown with a frown, and holy is embracing what is true for us through experience,  even if lacking in obedience. When we begin to live as the daughters and sons of God all faiths agree we are, then we begin to live in conscious awe, in conscious reverence, in conscious faith holy is everywhere.

A Time of Initiation

Have you noticed how we are no longer debating whether global warming is/is not going to happen (it's here is the quiet consensus) but whether we humans will make it through the multitude of changes and challenges, or not?  Books on " 2012" abound and prophecies of civilizations no more, are being used to support both the doomsday predictions of the changes and by those who conclude we are entering the next golden age.  So what really do we know about what is going down?

Knowing often brings humans a sense of comfort because knowing offers us a sense of control, and control is what we have all been taught grants not only safety, but power. Yet, what has power when change and challenges are not only out of our control, but overwhelming in their nature and scope as well?

As Einstein offered, insanity is continuing to choose responses that created a problem in the first place, and expecting the problem to change...not!  Meeting the challenges in our lives offers an invitation, an initiation really, for choices and power different than we have been choosing.....choices made differently with our divine and infinite knowledge and power as human beings.

Initiation means "to begin" and is the perfect word for reminding ourselves to begin to bring our infinite and divine knowledge and power to our challenges.  Our physical minds and hands alone cannot meet the changes and challenges life is bringing us in spades these days.  Alone we never are if we initiate engaging our infinite power and knowledge for what challenges us, and what challenges us offers us the beauty, satisfaction, and legacy of our infinite, divine, creativity as human beings.

The Mother's Prayer

Motherhood was once honored as a sacred calling, the nurturing of a child into an adult considered of critical value to the entire community. The sacredness of motherhood was believed to have the active support of the sacred, ancient wisdom believing the prayers offered by a mother the only prayers God was bound to honor.

Whether we believe in the prayers of a mother being more powerful or not, we can honor "Mother" by honoring ourselves as daughters of the mother we all have in common... Mother Earth. When we honor ourselves as daughters and sons of Mother Earth, all life that receives Her nurturance, Her shelter, Her sustenance, becomes our relatives.  And the Earth Mother's sacred prayer for Her children's harmony, happiness, and peace,  is a sacred prayer we are now being called upon to honor as human beings.

Just what IS grace these days?

"Grace" is a word getting a lot of press these days as is "divine feminine", "women's leadership", etc. and while catchy as sound-bites, just how the heck do they apply to life in the real world (translates to already too full schedules as women? As an exacerbated client shared this morning as I was teaching her about "soul language" "it's like having to learn a whole new language and I am already overwhelmed!".
In my work with women, I update words and concepts for both more congruence in today's world and for the word's offer of it's power in our daily lives. Often this means taking a word we have learned as a noun and updating it's relevance as a verb. For example, the word "grace"- which we learned was something one had (or did not) I teach is more a state of being, a dynamic we live in-in short, a verb.  And yes, it is like learning to learn a new language...so whassup?

We are changing and transforming from talking and knowing in our head to living and being our humanity-and divinity- in everyday life. Our language will reflect these changes ....the words of control and manipulation transforming into the language of faith and trust, the words of coercion and challenge transforming into the language of cooperation and opportunity, the words of "either-or" transforming into the language of "both-and", the limitations of our words giving way to the living grace of our heart and soul as human beings.

So next time you find yourself frustrated by "what used to be so" and now needing to change, congratulate yourself for noticing an invitation from your life to update and transform more into your "being".  Life offers in every one of her challenges, power within the challenge for meeting it.  When we choose to let go of life as a series of nouns and live our faith in life and of ourselves, we gain the grace of our divinity flowing through our humanity, the living gift of being a human.

Walking as a God/dess on Earth

With temperatures about freezing for the first time in months-and our April Fool's Day snowfall melting-I took myself on a walkabout today on the land I live on. Winter's stay was long and harsh this year and I knew winter's damage would be compounded by the damage of hungry deer looking to stay alive with 4 feet of snow on the ground.

Splintered branches, young pines snapped in half, sides of young hemlocks nibbled mostly away, and cracked trunks of bushes I look forward to the blooms of, were the sights greeting me as I walked about in the warming sun of April. I sighed as I tagged the trees and bushes needing tending,  reminded again of the circle of life.

When I first become the steward of land I live on, winter's damage saddened me, and I did not know how to respond to the damage. I love trees and after a heavy snowfall, take my broom out to brush off bushes and branches bending almost in half with snow weight. I became more comfortable with pruning and cutting off the damage of winter after learning the cost of damaged limbs to the health of the rest of the tree. I became more comfortable with honoring my power as God/dess with my beloved green companions.

With our choices in life-with our beloved animal companions, with what we eat, with what we give our precious time and energy to-we choose what lives and what does not in our life.  And when we honor the trust of power given to us as human beings, we begin to honor how our actions-even the ones we call small-often have large impact in the world we are trusted to walkabout as a God/dess.

Pausing for Prayers Simple and Big

"I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced."

―Obi-Wan after feeling the Destruction of Alderaan

Unfolding in Japan are immense human, health, financial, and life tragedies, challenges, and changes for the people of Japan. Watching a video of the tsunami coming ashore, my breath stopped, my mind screamed, and my heart began to pray. I felt as Obi-Wan said....a great disturbance of the Force and again, a reminder how our belief in separation from each other is a false belief, not a truth. Technology gifts us with ability to know what is happening with our human family around the world and tragedy reminds us to offer our prayers, simple and big.

Choosing our Divinity Simple and Big

As humans beings, our divinity serves our humanity, or as I like to say, we are gods and goddesses serving time on Earth! Our divinity is "built" for flowing through and for our everyday life, needing nothing more than our simple choice to exercise it's big power. For our family in Japan, in New Zealand, in Libya, in Bahrain, for those unknown to us, our divinity is needed in ways simple and big. Choose to pause a moment in your busy day and offer a simple prayer for those in unimaginable pain and sorrow. Choose to pause talking on your phone with your friends and simply text a donation (90999) to Japanese relief efforts. Choose to pause and take a deep breath of gratitude for being alive and then again draw another deep breath simply because you can. Choose to light a candle for those in the darkness of despair and the feeling of being alone. It really is simple to exercise our divinity and when we do so for our human family of the world, divinity flows big.

In gratitude for your presence in my life,

JaiKaur

“Surrender", the “kissing cousin” of commitment, is another word/concept that (unfairly) has come to have a bad reputation. Like so many words and concepts whose definition means one thing in the seen world and almost the opposite in the unseen world, surrender is a powerful word and concept. Once my clients begin to get over their confusion at the paradox of meanings between the exterior and interior world, and embrace the interior meaning of surrender, magic begins to happen!

Surrender is the choice to put aside our mental pre-conceptions of what is and is not possible, our allegiance and belief in the supreme power of control, and our fear of the unknown and the unseen. Surrender is making the choice to create room for the sacred, the unknown, the mystery of life, to deliver it’s grace and wisdom in reponse to the call of our heart and soul. Surrender is honoring the divine marriage of the earthly and the heavenly, suspending our disbelief and embracing our faith, and the willingness to entrust possibilities not made of simply mental means. Thus the saying "let go and let God"!

"Surrender to the Goddess" reminds woman to surrender to the divine nature of her being, initiating the sacred marriage of what we call a human being. When we surrender to the Goddess we are, matters on earth become sooo much easier and joyful for like any marriage, the alchemy of the partners-in this case the earthly and the heavenly-creates a third where magic and miracle abound!

Commitment is a word that has gotten a bad rap in the last generation and is a word in bad need of a reality check. The definition of commitment is "dedication, allegiance, loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity" ....what's to knock about any of that? Me thinks it is not what commitment is as much as the mis-use of the word commitment to mean handing ourselves over to others.....clearly not what the true definition of commitment is!

When working with a client, one of our core exercises is up-dating concepts and words from having meaning and power outside of ourselves to claiming their meaning and power within ourselves. Commitment is no different; it is a word and a power first applied to oneself. What do I commit my precious life and energy to? What commitment do I make regarding my thoughts? Will I commit to my deepest values or simply go along with whatever?

Commitment is needed to create, to grow, to achieve in life. When an acorn commits to growing, it commits to pushing up against the darkness and weight of the soil for reaching the sunlight it needs to grow into an oak tree. As human beings, we live our days by committing to some level of faith and trust of the unknown; if not, we would never get out of bed!

Women seed, nurture, and contain the creative forces and this grace we flow through us as women relies on our commitment to do so. When we do not commit to being a woman first and make the mistake of committing instead to the duties of roles and expectations of others, we feel the unhappiness and dissatisfaction of committing so. Where we commit as women lies the caliber of our lives as well as those we lead through our vision and wisdom as women.

Once we embrace the power of commitment as women, we offer ourselves the opportunity to surrender to divine grace, a topic I take up in my next blog "Surrendering to the Goddess"....stay tuned!

This past week, I travelled to Asheville, North Carolina for the first meeting of a year-long program for business development and community. I made this year-long commitment of time, resources, and energy both to learn as well as to engage a community to benefit from vs continuing to work solo in the creative work of a business. And while my logical mind is always happy to deliver the "why nots" of a different choice in my life, much of the joy and satisfaction in my life has come through saying "yes!" to Life's invitations to engage the unknown and often "impractical".

I came back from Asheville reminded once again of both the need for adventure in our lives scheduled so full of roles and responsibilities, as well as our need for strong, healthy, and positive community.....community that gifts us with support as well as offering a loving mirror in which to view what we alone cannot see (and w/o seeing, cannot make different). The Greek and Latin meaning of the word "idiot" is "one who insists on only privacy and thus is ignorant" for even way back then, there was clarity on the need for community in a life healthy. Community, the Greeks believed, satisfied the need we have of each other for seeing both the angel and the devil that rests on each of our shoulders.

We all are part of community through relationships, roles, or work-and- belonging is not the same as engaging in healthy community in a pro-active and conscious manner. In this time of great change and human imperatives, it is critical we receive the benefits of healthy community. A community can be as small as two or as many as several; what is important is engaging each other for our goals and intentions through community. We alone cannot see what prevents our dreams and creating different choices; in a community of at least one other, and through calling upon the grace and power of the Unknown, there is nothing we can not transform or create!

Happy New Year! January is a month fresh and new, with possibilities endless and offerings a-plenty, along with some lingering of what is left over from the year past. Each month has it's unique energy and opportunity and one of January's is to honor the old and claim the new. And so I have come to a ritual I engage in the early weeks of January-to remember and honor the chapter of my story created the year before for clarity in engaging the year new.

“Those who do not know their history are bound to repeat it” is a saying cautioning us to not go through our days simply as a series of days spent checking things off our to-do lists.....our living is much more precious and powerful than that. Taking an hour or two to write about the last 12 months of your life will surprise you in ways important for living this gift of the next year of your life. It will offer you an opportunity to truly cherish your living and to recalibrate.... for how you meet what challenges you, what sorrows may be calling for more tending, and where renewed focus on what is precious to you will serve your happiness and fulfillment.

And so, this new year of your life, what do you choose to give your precious time and energy to? What dreams and desires will you pick up to grow with your innate creativity and which ones will you let go of....remaining seeds to plant another year or to be let go for becoming compost that enriches what is planted? Honor what you choose for your life, for your choices have impact beyond your knowing, your presence has the power to inspire and uplift, and expressing your love creates miracles.