January's Promise

January offers promise....of renewal, of realizing new dreams, of experiencing more joy, delight, and awe in the adventure we call life.  When we respond to January’s offer with a burst of resolutions targeting areas we feel are lacking-be it in our life or ourselves-we often find ourselves discouraged and judging ourselves lacking even more so. What gives? 

Without tending to how we apply our promises, our resolve, what often results is the derailment of a resolved goal of change or creating something new. In “the how” of a promise is caring for what might need tenderness or compassion as we take up the actions of change. For change to occur outside of ourselves, change is needed in how we are with ourselves.

One of my January joys is going through my possessions-clothes, books, files, closets-and winnowing out what has served it’s time and is ready to move on. I used to find it very difficult to part with my possessions, fearing the possession I let go of might be useful or missed in the future. In short, I did not trust myself to know myself, nor did I trust life to provide more in the future, resting instead with believing life’s uncertainties are best met with control.

The word promise comes from the Latin word “promittere” meaning “to send forward”. When I realized the heart of my resistance to releasing my possessions was fear,  I made the choice to replace the fear with happiness for stewarding my possessions to it’s next place of service. Now others seek my aid in their process of letting go as well, for as I tell my clients, when you resolve something painful or harmful in yourself, you help others as well.

To take up January’s invitation to move forward, here are some suggestions: 

1. Apply compassion first. When feeling the defensive emotions of shame, anger, blame, etc, apply compassion to yourself, to the other, to the situation. Not only will you change what has power, you will feel what is asking for your care underneath the defensive emotions.
2. Your reactions are your gift of a mirror.  We judge in others what we have yet to resolve within and about ourselves. Demanding perfection-how we justify our blame and shame-harms not only our relationships, it harms us as well. Learn to receive where you blame or shame as your invitation to care for what is calling for tending within yourself.
3. What you feel you can heal.  Books bring us information, talking with friends brings ease, and feeling our emotions offers us information for resolving what is causing us pain. Because we are taught to be afraid of our emotions, I do not consider getting guidance and support for changing an indulgence, rather a caring and loving action on our behalf.  When we are scared or in pain, it is just plain unkind to insist on bootstrapping it alone!
4. When we trust ourselves, we love ourselves and our life more. So many people know life is precious and they are blessed, and still happiness and satisfaction elude them. They have not learned to trust themselves to take action on what has heart and value for them.  When we do not honor what we know in our heart and soul,  through actions in our daily life, happiness and satisfaction become elusive.

The gift of a human life is not a task to be completed-it is a magical and mystical journey, where courage, curiosity, and compassion enjoin our trust and passion for living our purpose and with joy. When we learn to trust ourselves, we learn to trust our life and how to trust others. When we learn to trust ourselves, we trust we will keep the promises we make, moving us forward with joy and delight in our adventures of life.

If you would like some help learning how to trust yourself and honor the promises you have made for this new year, then what are you waiting for?  Getting support and guidance for changes you desire is not a luxury....it is a decision to care for yourself and your dreams. Send me an email for scheduling a no cost 30 minute consultation with me...whoohoo!

"Navigating Turbulent Times"

We are getting ready for my children, their pets, and their partners, to join us for Thanksgiving.  I love family "home for the holidays" and when they bring company-animal or human-even better!  Our house benefits from a thorough cleaning, the gourmet cooks confer for menus, and the fall flora shares it’s beauty in floral arrangements.

I am grateful for a holiday that reminds us to offer gratitude for the gifts of life. Life can be overwhelming at times and it can be tough some days to stay focused on the positive. Taking a break to enjoin with community in celebration, is restorative and taking time to be with loved ones in celebration is critical for balancing out life's challenges.

Whether it's the weather, the economy, the environment, the age-old conflicts, life is turbulent these days.  There is no doubt heavy lifting is being demanded of humans and my personal experiences with challenges have me optimistic about humans being up to the challenges....challenges requiring our faith, trust, and understanding of ourselves, our infinite possibilities, and each other.

Here are some tips and tools for navigating our turbulent times:

* Learn to embrace "different"....different choices, different beliefs, different conclusions.  When we long for our life to be different yet continue to choose the same as always, we are simply doing what I call “circling the drain”. Begin to make "different" your BFF and fasten your seatbelt for how quickly things in your life begin to change!

* Lead life more through the wisdom of your heart..... and less through your mind's desire for control. Become honest with yourself where you rationalize and compromise your integrity, stop doing so, and watch your self-respect will take off!  Living with integrity to your heart and soul is priceless, and living with integrity creates faith in yourself and life!

* Discern, decipher, and delight.....in the abundant guidance and support being offered by your heart and soul for challenging times. Life will brings you both challenges and the means for meeting your challenges. When you learn to tune into-and trust-the wisdom and guidance of your body, your emotions, and what shows up in your day, life goes from scary and random to delightful and amazing!

* We all need a village.... to be healthy, to be happy, to realize our infinite possibilites. The myth of the rugged individual is just that.....a myth. The lie of strength through independence is being updated by the truth of strength through honoring your interdependence with others. The presence of others-whether by choice or "coincidence",  not only helps you get by in life,  relationships bring learning your staying "safely in control" cannot deliver!

Knowledge alone cannot meet the challenges and changes your life is bringing to you; there is more information available than ever before in human history and our world is in crisis. Learning to honor the deep wisdom of your heart and soul is no longer optional, it is the new normal of smart, safe, and able. Creating a dynamic relationship with the resources and wisdom of your infinity will deliver what your mind alone cannot......the miracles your life and your world are awaiting.

"Embrace More of Your Mystery"

One of the unexpected delights of motherhood was how the curiosity and delight my children brought to each day spilled over into my life as well. Mystery was not a challenge nor the unknown of the world experienced as a threat. Mystery instead was an invitation to engage and enjoy, to discover and delight,  to be curious and creative. Waking up to a new day of life was reason enough to wake up excited. It is this quality of innocence combined with fearlessness that Buddhists term "beginnner's mind"and Jesus talked about as being more powerful in reaching "heaven" than the power of accumulated wealth.

With time and learning from those older than ourselves, being realistic, practical, logical, and safe became how we met our days instead.  Choices that with the passing of time and with the grace of awareness, we realize are false gods for happiness and satisfaction in our life. What feeds our soul we often mete out to ourselves in portions miserly, while being generous in our efforts to avoid life's mysteries.  No wonder we can find ourselves depressed, despairing, and denying what we love in life!

So if you would like to engage the gifts of mystery more and dispense with being less than happy, here are my suggestions:

1. Schedule time each week to be lazy, be unavailable, be non-productive for an hour or two. Becoming anxious just reading these words?  Then you may have a case of  joie de vivre challenge. Solution? Ask a friend to partner with you for scheduling time off the hamster wheel of tasking your life away.

2. Studies too plentiful to reference here illustrate again and again how living like a "human doing"can kill you. Even our logical, realistic, practical scientific studies shows how essential relaxation and enjoyment are for the health of your mind, body, and soul.  Seems as though it actually IS logical and practical to take time to play and daydream, especially for grown ups.

3. When your realize what brings you pleasure or joy, don't rationalize it away nor defend it to others......embrace it. Being part of a family tribe is primal and being part of a tribe brings the challenge of claiming your sovereignty and integrity. So while we all have family patterns that at times challenge us, embracing the power of being a grown up grants you the ability to pivot patterns that pain you into empowered choices for joy and for living what has heart and soul for you.

4. Commit to daily care of your soul; it is as essential for your health and happiness as the self-care you offer your body and mind.  Learn to meditate and if you don't like one way of meditating, try another, for there are many many ways to meditate. Meditation's effects on developing parts of our brain other than the limbic-fight or flight-brain are well-documented, making meditation essential for our changing and challenging world. And the care of your soul benefits your body and mind as well as no longer being at the behest of your primal reactions in life.  (Check out the book "How God Changes Your Brain" for current results on meditation's effects on brain development)

Now while I am poking at the over-scheduled, information-overloaded, task-oriented world we live in, the results of to-do lists that never end is no laughing matter. When we value "doing" more than engaging the mystery of ourselves and life, we suffer in health, happiness, and wholi-ness.  There is an upper limit to the return of "doing" and truly no limit to the benefits of engaging our mystery and majesty of being.  (Did you know the word "hue-man"derives from Latin and means "the radiant being"?)

My loving challenge to you is this.... once a day, go from tending your to-do list to taking an action for the sole purpose of being happy.  Not an action you can justify for a purpose practical, not an action you can justify in service of another....simply an action for the singular purpose of making youself feel good....period.  Delight again in the sensual experiences of a body, revel in the deliciousness of your physical senses, and allow more of the awesome sensory experiences offered with every breath you take.

Can "woo woo" really change your life?

My journey with “woo woo” and it’s power practical, began when my
health crashed while working as an architect for Boston hospitals.
Only 23, I was looking at the diagnosis of infertility, colitis, kidney
and gallbladder disease making the choices for my life.  Grace stepped
in, I agreed to manage a hospital project in India, and the ensuing
choices and experiences changed my health as well as my understanding
of challenge as well.  The rest is history as they say-3 children au
natural, organs all accounted for, and results at yearly check-ups my
physician marvels as being decades younger!

Our ability to create as humans is awesome, real, and quite scientific
as well.  We have been taught to distrust ourselves and our abilities
and to believe mystery, magic, and miracles are only for those lucky or
special enough. Beliefs are powerful and in case you missed the memo,
our world is evolving in historic and life-changing ways.  Why would we
humans-daughters and sons of the Earth-not be part and parcel of the
evolutionary changes as well?

So what is the secret to having woo-woo change your life? You’ve
learned about woo-woo out of the wa-zoo and nothing has really changed!

1. Look for where irony is residing in your life and you will find the
presence of the sacred not far off.  Irony is where logic hits the
edge where man-made rules no longer hold power and the power of the
soul begins.  Looking back on when my health crisis appeared, it is not
lost on me the irony of having this happen while working with
world-class physicians!

2. Taking action signals to your soul a commitment to what you desire
to create. And thinking and talking involve little risk to your status
quo of comfort and control.  As Einstein pointed out, is a bit of
insanity on your part to expect change from no action!

3. Be grateful for what you don’t like in life, for contrast can serve
as an important kick in your butt!  Pay attention to what you love in
life and give it more of your energy and less energy to what others
have told you to do.....happiness loves integrity!

4. Your default setting for your choices, your beliefs, your happiness
in life are often just that-your defaults.  As you would not expect
your computer to perform optimally with software decades old, happiness
and satisfaction in life require updating your beliefs and your choices
for realizing your greatest happiness and satisfaction in life .

One of the most significant evolutions we are undergoing as human
beings is to no longer believe ourselves separate from our soul,
separate from creating as gods and goddesses walking the Earth.  As
Einstein wisely observed, insanity is making the same choices over and
over and expecting the results to be different.  You can no longer make
the choice to separate yourselves from your soul, from your humanity,
and expect the challenges in your life and in your world to go
away......Now THAT’S Magical thinking!

"Happiness is Your Birthright"

I love watching the Olympics for what humans are capable of as well as for the stories behind becoming an Olympic althlete. Over and over I hear how the athlete has chosen to commit to what makes them happy, even when that happiness takes sacrifice, courage, and challenges them over and over. As Gabby Douglas said so beautifully "What makes my heart sing, what makes me happier than anything else in life, needs me to be it's champion".

Happiness is our birthright and as with any right, requires you to champion it through your actions. Even the US Constitution weighs in on happiness, stating how all citizens of the United States have the right to pursue happiness. And with the Webster dictionary defining the word "right" as "the moral entitlement to have or obtain something or to act in a certain way", it is clear happiness takes action......action that is yours to take and action we often demand others take for us.

One of the first things I establish when working with a client is clarity on where lies their happiness, for happiness is personal. Often people are living scripts handed to them by those who love them, but whose scripts are not true for YOUR life, times, or happiness. Yes,it takes effort, courage, and investing your resources to discover and champion your happiness in life. And when you pursue your right to happiness and learn how to champion your happiness, you are choosing to empower your life abundant in joy, delight, and satisfaction.

Want to pursue your right to happiness? Check out my suggests below:

1. If you find yourself writing in your journal or diary about the same
"unhappies" as when younger, your right to happiness may need some
pursuing! No need to cast blame or shame, nor compensate when not
happy....reality TVanyone? ACTION- Find yourself a good coach, mentor,
or healer and begin to champion yourself and your happiness as your
right and your priority!

2. Listen to yourself during the day and notice where you blame others
for your feelings, your reactions, your burdens. (This one may take a
few passes as our cultural training supports blaming others for almost
everything!). ACTION-Choose something in your life to pivot from "not
happy" to happy and commit to it for a week and notice what changes.
(One of my faves is keeping my mouth shut when I want to react to those
who bug me with their driving!). When I pivot from reacting/judging,
not only do I take responsibility for my ignorant judgements, I find my
mood is much better at the end of a day of driving!)

3. Take inventory for where in your life you have resigned yourself to
"less than happy", perhaps even chalked it up to life as an adult. This
is an example of living a script handed to you by those, who while they
loved you, their life is not yours to repeat. Don't despair...simply
take action, for pursuing happiness needs your attention and your
care. ACTION-Make a list of what makes you happy-no matter how
"childish" it may be-and commit to action on one at least once a week.
It may be challenging to the adult you" but the "child you" knows how
important having fun is for being an adult.

4. Happiness means different things for different people, and even
different things at different times in your life. Make your right to
happiness a priority in your life, gather the support you need for
growing your happiness, and delight in sharing your happy with others.
Don't despair if your happiness differs from those you love, nor insist
on common happiness. ACTION-Exchange happiness, delight in other's
happiness, and don't deny your happiness as deserving your attention,
your time, and your pursuit.

Truth is, it does take effort, can be uncomfortable or challenging to pursue your right to happiness. And, taking responsibility for your own happiness inspires others as well for taking up their right to happiness. And a world with more people championing their happiness is a world with less people choosing blame and unhappiness.....now that sounds like a right happy to me!

"The Reminder of FireFlies"

I have reached the age where more than 3 hours sleep is a gift and have evolved strategies for being awake when most of my world is not. The strategies vary depending on the season, for the cold of winter invites staying in bed and simply reading whereas the heat of summer invites me to crawl out of bed for a place cooler.

Wide awake at 1:30 am one morning last week, rather than simply keeping company with the haunting thoughts my logic and rational thought could not resolve, I took myself out to our front porch. Stars were visible, the hum of the insects more so, and not a sound of civilization was present. Yet despite this peace and quiet, my thoughts were still full of challenge and fear....and then, as though in answer to a prayer, a most magical delight appeared!

Yogis teach how each part of the day has a unique energy and how each energy supports us in a different way. The early morning (1-4 am) is thought to be the time of day the separation between the world physical and the world of spirit is the thinnest.....when the sacred is but a breath away. No surprise to those who work in hospice or critical care units; the early morning hours are when most people pass over.

Many spiritual traditions respect the energy of the early day through gathering in community and in prayer, for what haunts us in the physical world calls for the power and means of the spiritual world. While I no longer set my alarm for 3 am, I do make certain to awake an hour or two before beginning the daily duties of mom and business. Beginning my day with the sacred, aligns my day with the gifts of faith, trust, and wisdom ....in myself, in life, and in my never being without infinite guidance and support.

Oh...and what was the gift that relaxed my thoughts and replaced my concerns with delight? Fireflies....scores and scores of fireflies, their blinking lights everywhere I looked! No longer was I feeling the weight of my thoughts, for delight was insisting on my attention instead. I laughed and thanked the angels of light, and in lightness of spirit, back to bed I went and slept soundly the rest of the hours of the night.

"The Poetry of a Dead Bee"

Last week, while in my garage gathering tools for working in my yard, I heard the sound of a bee buzzing.  Interpreting the buzz as angry, I made haste from the garage as I am allergic to bee stings.  A few days later, I found the bee dead on the table in the garage and realizing my mistake, tears sprung to my eyes. The bee was the endangered honey bee and had been serving in my yard.  In feeling my sorrow at it’s preventable death, I realized my mistake.  I had heard the bee’s buzzing as anger and it was my response to anger-not my medical risk-that led me to turn away from helping the bee escape the garage.   Now, you might be thinking “Really JaiKaur....you are going to feel badly about something as small as a dead bee!?”.  My short answer is yes....my longer answer is there is nothing small about the power of emotions.  Taking the care and time to tend to our  emotions, can lead to learning both surprising as well as powerful.   In my family growing up, anger was the emotion most common and used often as a stand-in for other emotions being felt.  Sadness, disappointment, anxiety and more were also present, but these emotions were not safe for expression (and they signaled weakness).  The “one size fits all” of anger in our family meant anger expressed was often emotional messaging confused.   My commitment to renovate my relationship with emotions has resulted in benefits great. I have learned emotions-not unlike the written language-have a poetry as well..... poetry being where rules step aside for an expression of soul.  The poetry of this dead bee offered itself for learning how I responded to my perception of anger with fear.  And if my misunderstanding of an emotion led to the death of a bee, where else were my emotional misperceptions creating harm?   In your daily life, in your relationships and love, in your longing to live your wild and precious gift of life....where are you misunderstanding an emotion? Here are suggestions for updating your relationship with your emotions:   Anger is an emotion that has gotten a bad rap and an emotion often used to cover other, more vulnerable, emotions.  Where do you use anger to cover other emotions or to diminish your intimacy with others?  (Mmm....) What emotions scare you-in yourself and when expressed by others?  What scares you about this emotion?  What do you believe would happen if you simply let yourself feel  emotion instead of controlling your emotions? Where do you find yourself hijacked by your response to other people’s emotions-otherwise known as reacting?  Ask yourself if reacting to the other person somehow keeps you safe, for often our reactions stem from our need to be safe or in control. What we consider safe at one stage of life will change with time and learning from our experiences in life.  What reactions to emotions of yours are old hat and need to be updated?  (Hint-they are the ones where you don’t feel better after you react).   We have been taught to label our emotions as “good/bad, right/wrong, spiritual/not spiritual etc”.  Emotions are simply energy offering us understanding and wisdom about our life, as long as we can allow the emotion to unfold.  The next time you find yourself reacting to an emotion-yours or another’s-pause and invite yourself to become open and curious instead. I did and the poetry of a bee brought me learning for understanding the difference between anger and a call for help.